HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
