xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The adults are the big ones right?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
