As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
not ubering you a puppy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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