no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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