I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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