In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can tuck mytits in my pants
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
