i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
someone owes me an orgasm
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
