I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
