Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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