this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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