hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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