i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
