do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
