tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
