I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
