Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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