have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
