the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize