non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i think im in europe. pls send help
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
