I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
sex in a hospital.. check
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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