i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
