Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize