They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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