There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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