I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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