making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I could fuck to npr.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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