Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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