I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
