His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think a kid would responsible me up
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
