He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
