if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
