it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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