dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
