i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
