just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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