sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
