I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
