your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
