You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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