I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
