here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
