I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
