If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
