fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
