I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
