Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
