apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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