I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
