Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
