Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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