So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im holly from the hills drunk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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