Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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