So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
