just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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