Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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