Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
