I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
