I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
