I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
