She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
