it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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