Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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