im about as happy as oj after his trial
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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