9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
