we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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