It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's blow job season.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
