I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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