Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
