What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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