Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
