i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
