It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry my hands just texted you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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