Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
