6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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