i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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