So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sober January is a disaster.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
