she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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