U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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