tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
