Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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